A New Life

I apologize for the long gap of time between posts! I mean, there are hundreds of you checking here daily to see if I've written my next riveting post, I know... ;) But the reason is a good one! After lots of thinking and discussing, I've decided to actually post this wonderful news: I'm pregnant! (I hope it doesn't feel too impersonal and strange if this is how you're finding out, but the internet has made announcements so darn easy, it's hard to resist utilizing.)

It's funny how (at least for me) just when it feels safe and comfortable to start telling people, I'm finally not in dire need of help and sympathy... Thank G-d, the nausea has been much more manageable this time around (with Yehuda Or I was out of commission for 20 weeks), and I'm starting to feel like myself again. The intensity of pregnancy is like nothing else - my body is simply not my own. If I don't eat every two hours a wave of nausea washes over me and I suffer the consequences for hours. If I don't get enough sleep, I can count on a miserable day, as if I'm stuck under water while the world functions normally around me. But enough complaining! I'm pregnant! I have another special little neshama growing and developing inside of me! I'm so busy with Yehuda Or and being a wife/student/housekeeper that I almost keep forgetting. Then, something reminds me (maybe the bulging tummy that no longer fits into anything?) and I get this silly smile on my face and sigh - this is so cool. The first trimester, just like last time, is a tough time for me. I feel so physically awful, but on top of that, I just feel very low emotionally. I'm over-sensitive, and everything feels like an insult. I felt like I had to prioritize in a way that I wasn't satisfied with. Forget stepping into the kitchen and cooking (poor Eli's been eating tofu patties for the past 3 months), or keeping the house spotless... as my mother in law said, "as long as my husband had clean socks and underwear, the laundry was considered done." I just felt like I had energy for ONE thing, and I wanted that thing to be my focus for Yehuda Or. So the house got messy, and my social life went on hiatus.

Now that I'm slowly coming out of hibernation, I have a sudden passion for clean floors and an empty sink. I also really miss friends and having the energy to be out of the house for more than 20 minutes. The experience definitely reminded me that we don't have a community, and that it's something I really want. I didn't feel like I had support physically when I really needed it (but I do have to thank my wonderful sisters-in-law for stepping in!) and Jerusalem felt like a city of strangers when all I wanted was someone to call and say "I'm bringing over a pot of soup," or "I'm taking Yehuda Or to the park, you need a nap." I know that moving to a more community-oriented area won't magically mean life-long friends, but I think that in a place where I don't feel so anonymous, I'll feel more motivated to put myself out there and be more assertive socially. We've decided to move before the new baby, G-d willing, and now we're on a hunt for our next home. Hopefully one we can settle into for more than a year. I'm feeling a need to grow some roots and get attached.

And so, as if the past few years of my life haven't been full enough, the adventure continues, and our family of three will G-d willing be expanding into four. The baby is due on the Fourth of July... how patriotic of us. Of course, Eli being Canadian had no idea why I thought that date was so funny. I'm transitioning into maternity clothes, and my tummy is at the point where people look and say to themselves "I think she's pregnant, but maybe she just has a big stomach." Fun phase... but soon enough I know it will be clearly pregnant and I'm so excited to feel those first real kicks of reassurance. I wasn't going to blog throughout this process, as I feel it's a very delicate experience and one that deserves constant thanks to Hashem. But I think that it's a magical time - it feels good to share the emotions and realities while I go through it - and I think it's exciting to read about as a friend or a stranger. So thank you for being a part of it!
Stay tuned for more practical posts about being pregnant in Israel - doctors, maternity clothes, nursing equipment, doulas, birth classes, hospitals, etc...

And Happy New Years!