Wednesday, June 27, 2012

My Comeback

Middle East Mama! It has been too long. I could rattle off a whole list of excuses for why I have been absent, but truthfully there is no good reason to neglect writing and creativity. At the very least, let me say that the past year (gasp!) has been completely wonderful. There have been challenges and struggles and tests, but I think that this past year has truly been the greatest year of my life (so far). How can I even attempt to sum up a year's worth of my LIFE? My relationships have grown - I have connected with incredible people who have shown me new sides of myself and have encouraged me to be a more honest and grounded person. I came to some big conclusions about my future - for example, with complete certainty I have decided that I have no idea what's in store. And that's a pretty awesome conclusion to be at peace with. I decided to stop taking classes towards my degree in Human Development for now. It's not that my fascination and love for family studies suddenly disappeared, it's just that after doing some deep soul-searching I realized that right now I spend about 90% of my energy on my children. The other 10% needs to be distributed very carefully. I need to make sure that I choose how to spend my time wisely. That means making space for the people that lift me up - and not stretching myself thin for those that drain me. It also means that I need to nurture my creative passions and not push myself too hard in any one direction. This has resulted in two very important changes in my life: Pursing a career in makeup & putting my academic ambitions on hold. I have never felt freer and more true to who I am at this moment. My children have grown - they are SUCH BIG PERSONALITIES. Yehuda Or has become an incredibly strong-willed, opinionated, and overall fascinated little person. To quote my father "Yehuda Or isn't just the most observant child I know, he's the most observant PERSON I know." And it's true. This kid noticed everything. If I'm stressed, I can expect to feel his little hand on my shoulder and hear his raspy voice say "Ima, are you tired? Are you feeling sad?" If I insist on holding his hand while we cross the street, I dread the moment that he shrieks "NO IMA! KEEP YOUR HANDS ON YOUR OWN BODY!" Pretty mortifying when other people are close... isn't parenthood a joy? But really... It's a challenge to have such a quick, articulate, and particular child but he teaches me so much - to be careful with how I speak and even how I express myself through my body language. Just the other day he came in from the park, plopped down on the couch and said "Abba, I'm so dead." Oops, I guess I should stop using "dead" when I mean "exhausted." And my little one! Wow! I guess when you follow such a distinctive personality you have to bring it. Coby certainly has. He is the most extroverted little guy - babbling away (even saying a few words!) and smacking anything within reach. He has a certain gleeful playfulness that I already feel, at just one year old, exudes a special optimism and confidence. He is enthusiastic about life. Every bit as goofy and silly as Yehuda Or is serious and reflective. They couldn't be more different, and yet they love each other in a way that absolutely melts my heart. The first thing Yehuda Or says when he wakes up is "I want my brother!" and Coby would literally follow Yehuda Or anywhere - he looks at him with total admiration and beaming love. Life is full, intense, joyful, and deep. My spiritual journey continues to ebb and flow, with constant reevaluations and introspection. It is a good journey that keeps me humble and keeps me questioning. My husband is still my rock and my best friend. This year I learned even more about his strength, his faith in G-d, and his commitment to me and our children. Life is good. A simple statement, but one that I don't take lightly. And I mean it. Can't wait to reignite the writing flame and share this year with you...

3 comments:

  1. Life IS good. So glad to read you again...

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  2. Leah this is great and i likes it, especially since you have not lost your intrest in Human development and you still know whats in store for you. Hope you find what you are lookin for !

    PS do u have the picture u took of me after u did my makup?

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