"It gets better every day"

Parenting choices are incredibly personal. People generally feel very passionate about their decisions as a parent, and talking about it can be as touchy as talking about religious observance or politics. It's really a wonderful thing that there are so many different ways to be a good parent - every family is different and every child is an individual. I think that's the main key in navigating through the constant flow of "advice" from other parents. Everyone's different. I try to remember that everyone has wisdom to share, but that I'm also allowed to disagree and to choose "No thank you." Silently to myself of course. No need to start a debate when two people have clearly made up their minds in different directions (unless I'm in an argumentative mood or I feel that it's extremely important to clarify where I'm coming from and why).

Usually as a parent, I feel very "outside of the box." Lately, I've decided that If I'm truly at peace with the parenting style that Eli and I have chosen then I should feel calm, confident, and happy to share my experiences with others. I realized that I had stopped telling people that Yehuda Or spends most of the night in the bed with us, that we've never let him cry himself to sleep, and that he still nurses around 10 times a day. And no, we're not "working on it." The responses are usually something like "Oh! Well. That's. Interesting." It can be daunting and exhausting to try to explain my entire philosophy several times a week. But, you know what? People deserve more credit than I give them. Almost always, when I DO take the time to explain our decisions, people are very open-minded and happy to hear that we've made well-thought out decisions, even if they ARE different.

The closest official style to what we do is called "Attachment Parenting." We definitely don't follow any checklist, but the philosophy is one that we both relate to and believe in. The basic idea is that a child's sense of self-worth, confidence, and trust in the world is dependent upon his/her relationships with primary care-givers (Mom and Dad). It's nothing new - anyone ever heard of Erikson? Or Freud? This style of parenting simply expounds on the importance of those early experiences that have the power to make life-long impacts. In practice "AP" encourages breastfeeding (and not necessarily weaning by age 1), holding and wearing the baby as much as possible, responding to baby's cries as opposed to sleep-training methods that involve crying, having the baby sleep with the mother or close by, and in general, a sort of "go with the flow" attitude towards baby care (for more information go to www.askdrsears.com). It has fit our family and lifestyle perfectly. Yes, I am sometimes jealous of women who pop a pacifier in their baby's mouth and say "night night." Our bedtime routine on average lasts about an hour. But moment to moment I'm proud of my decisions and truly feel like I'm giving Yehuda Or's special neshama all of the love and attention I have. And that manifests itself through my "AP" decisions.

A few months ago, I started posting on various sites, looking to gather a group of AP-style moms in my area. A solid group of awesome women have now been meeting, and it's been so empowering and encouraging to hang out with a bunch of like-minded mothers. At our meeting yesterday I got a boost of confidence and appreciation for being a parent. What a gift it is to be the sole provider for an innocent, helpless little being. While our babies were playing on the floor, one mother said to me "Do you feel like it just gets better every day?" I was so flooded with happiness and recognition. That's exactly what motherhood feels like - an adventure that just gets better every day.

Enjoy the last day of Chanukah everyone ~ sending my blessings to the many people whom I love and miss during this special time.